Hey y’all, I’d just like to start off by saying that this is all in good fun and I will never use real names nor will I stray from telling what actually happened on these dates. I don’t keep a journal. I haven’t really written blogs over my love life (or lack thereof) before, so it might take me a hot minute to get the swing of things. Stick with me and I guarantee you a few giggles.

This date happened last Friday night when a wave of impulsivity rushed over me after my shift at Smoothie King finished up and a boy invited me over to

Netflix n’ Chill 

If you want to play the drinking game version of reading my blog: every time you see “netflix n’ chill” that’s your cue to take a shot

I responded to that modern mating call with “yeah, but I’m not trying to fuck” which took him by surprise that I would assume such a thing, ~wild~. But we kept texting and it was agreed upon I would come over anyways. I rushed home to throw on a pair of skinny jeans and anything but that smoothie stained red t-shirt. He lives way out in the middle of nowhere and when my GPS told me I was approaching my destination and all I saw were storage units on one side and deer chilling on the other I said goodbye to my sad, weird life. I mean c’mon that’s everyone’s biggest fear, tinder date goes wrong “Girl Killed in Outskirts of City”. Right?!!

But obviously that was not the case, and he actually just lives in the suburbs (I guess this is when I tell you he’s a tad bit younger than me and still lives with his parents) ((2 years younger, people, we’re not talking decades)). He texts me his dogs will cause uproar if there’s a knock on the door or the doorbell rings, so to just come in. And as I do, this guy, Frank, bear hugs me and whispers in my ear “hope this is okay” and I yell back “IT’S FINE” and the awkwardness ensues.

His 12-year-old wiener dog trots into the room and stares into my SOUL and I’ve never felt more judged by a dog before. I honestly contemplated leaving.

Y’all will be impressed that I held my ground. I traveled there for a good makeout sesh and by god was I going to get it with or without an ancient dachshund dog staring or not.

 

to be continued…